Most people I know live right where they grew up and I realize now it’s because moving away is hard! I am the first to admit that moving away from home takes guts but it is honestly THE best decision I’ve made as an adult so far. I really wanted to write a blog to share some of the harsh realities that I learned after moving 1,730 miles away from home. Share this with anyone who is thinking of moving away for a job, relationship, or for a fresh start.
- You Get Lonely – Most people can guess that loneliness comes after moving but I can’t write an article about this without sharing my experience. I moved to San Francisco with my boyfriend (now husband) and just because I was with him doesn’t mean that I didn’t feel alone. I have always been very independent in my relationship – hanging out with friends or family in Dallas with lots of plans – so having him be my only friend for a while was a real adjustment. For the first 45 days in SF I didn’t have a job so I sat in our hotel room and watched t.v. and applied for jobs while John went to work. I think I was depressed a bit during that time but black people aren’t allowed to be depressed so I don’t know the symptoms. (lol) I met my first friend Travis working my first job in the city and I didn’t make another one for over a year. I am an extrovert so spending time alone was a huge adjustment but this allowed me to spend more time with myself. I’ve gotten to know myself more in the last four years than the first 24 years of my life. I learned that I am an extrovert but I need quiet time to recharge. I learned that I can be pickier when it comes to choosing friends and really spend time with people I enjoy being around.
- Family > Friends – Moving away really puts things into perspective when thinking about your loved ones. Spending three to six months away from my nephews and coming home to grown men is tough. I am missing out on tons of football and soccer games, girlfriends, dates, and book report proof reading. When I left Dallas my dad had salt and pepper hair now, he is almost completely silver. My parents are my BFFs and my time with them is more valuable than gold. Moving away forced me to put family first. This not only includes my family, but my husbands family as well. Building relationships with family you barely know takes time and every visit matters. I still don’t plan enough time to see them like I should when I go home. I also realized how much my family cares about me. When I come to town they make it a priority to hang out with me. Most of the time I create a schedule so that I can fit everyone in and when I tell them what day and time they’re scheduled they are so accommodating! Many friends just won’t understand that.
- You Just Change – I’ve changed a lot since moving to Cali – all for the better. The biggest change from Texas is I no longer eat meat. Meat is delicious but I don’t like the way it negatively impacts the environment and the hormones, antibiotics, and feces that cause cancer and many other illnesses so why not give it up? Sure, my Texas family and friends make fun of me but I will still try to convince them to give up meat too! I’m very independent so I tend not to follow the ideas of others any more. Some people will say “girl, you just grew up” but my environment has directly impacted these changes. I’ve developed my own views on religion, relationships, my blackness, sexuality and so forth and I know that most people from my home town would not agree with me. I care less about people’s opinions about…..everything. I used to be the type of person to tell people when they’re wrong or right or what I think, now I just don’t really care unless you’re my husband or my family lol. I don’t eat the same, I don’t think the same, and I don’t move the same way I used to.
- You Really Have to Adult – When you get a flat tire, who do you call? I’d have to call AAA – if I had a car lol. My dad can’t just come to the rescue anymore. I know you’re thinking that I could just call my husband but he would rather have me take an Uber than come pick me up because it’s just faster! You have to move all your own Shi* EVERY TIME you move. If you’re like me you begin drinking, seeing movies, and vacationing alone – like a “grown woman” lol. You talk yourself through tough life decisions and you talk more with God than you did before. I am no longer asking God to fix things or provide me with things, I am only asking for clear vision. You clean out all of the energy around you and when you have a clean slate like that, you immediately notice when your positivity is thrown off. You may just put your career before reproducing! You spend time finding exactly who you want to be, discover what you won’t settle for and eventually, you gain the confidence to stop second guessing the decisions you make alone.
Moving away forced me to stretch. Stretch is the way you get to the next level, not saying that you can’t stretch where you grew up – but are you forced to? I would love to hear your thoughts below!