I was talking to a friend on Facebook and a co-worker about the difference between Jay Z and T.I.’s marriages. They both cheated on their wives but Beyonce’ forgave Jay. If your man cheated on you, or even if he didn’t, how do you know if he is Jay Z, who (after too long) is remorseful and wants to make a change? Or, could you dare be dealing with a T.I. who never apologies, never takes responsibility, and blames his actions on you? T.I. don’t want to make up, he wants to make excuses. (Times T.I. publicly chastises his wife) Ultimately, if you are in a serious relationship whether you take someone back is up to you but here is what I think about the entire subject.
First off, before I was married I was selfish. I thought about me and what I would do at any given moment. I thought that if my man cheated, I would be out because I would find another and I’m too good for anyone who would do that to me. While these statements remain true, getting married threw me into the reality of leaning on someone. Leaning on my husband with all of my love, and dissolving my selfishness and facing the reality of what we committed to. All of the emotions, thoughts and this huge commitment made me realize that this is no longer about my actions and reactions. I’m not saying it’s wrong to be selfish when you’re dating, that’s normal however, you can’t be selfish in a marriage. I say all that to say that I no longer can be sure what I would do if my husband cheated on me. I can’t say I would leave because I’ve seen him at his best moments and I know how great what we have is. It’s amazing and not only is it love but it’s a solid friendship. I can’t say I would stay because how would I accept such selfishness from him when I’ve made sacrifices and put in the work to change on my end?
My friend told me that she would rather not have Jay Z or T.I. Of course we all want a partner who is 100% faithful and doesn’t look at anyone else in a romantic way but never say never. My sister taught me that you never look down on anyone else’s choices/results in life because that could be you. I wonder what made Beyonce’ forgive Jay. Would my husband have to grovel? Would he have to chase me around Paris (as Jay mentions in 4:44)? How long would he have to show me he deserves forgiveness? Would I move out? Would I stay and work it out willingly to let him know that I care about him? What if we had kids…that’s a whole separate concern!
All people in relationships know that no one is perfect, we just want you to try to be. No one ever admits it but all people want their partners to do is continue to be perfect for them and vice versa. Maybe Tiny realized that T.I. was no longer perfect for her. He was flawed in a major way and his flaws were like mountains – hard to climb.
I can’t even get over T.I.’s selfishness and I don’t know him. Maybe when Beyonce’ realized that Jay was flawed she saw what I see in my husband. You see flaws for sure, but you see through his flaws like water. You see right through them and instead of having to climb (which seems impossible) and you have to swim through them. There may have even been light through the water and you get tired, but the great place you once were is tangible after you put in the work. You may even wonder if you can make it to the other side of the ocean but when it comes to swimming, you try because it seems possible. When you love someone as much as I love my husband, their flaws become acceptable. In a weird way you love everything wrong with them and when someone is genuine, they live in truth, and they admit when they’re wrong, you could get through it.
I guess the point is when you have a Jay Z you know it and you make a conscious decision after knowing how long and deep that ocean could be. If you realize you ended up with a T.I. you take notice and stop climbing. I think what we all want is a Denzel though.