How you know you shouldn’t get married after getting engaged.

Every since John and I got engaged we’ve had so many people open up to us about their own awesome marriages, crazy engagements, broken relationships, and nightmare scenarios left and right. I’ve seen about a dozen women plan weddings over the past two years and I have learned a lot – good and bad. Trust me when I say that no relationship is perfect but, here are some sure fire reasons you should call off an engagement.

  1. You keep asking “Do you think I should get married?” How the hell do we know? Should you? This seems like a simple question but brides and grooms who constantly seek validation from friends and family about their upcoming nuptials are more unsure then they let on. I don’t think I asked anyone else whether I should get married during my entire engagement. Did we call it off at one point – almost lol But I think everyone does! I don’t want it to seem like it’s not normal to have doubts but, if you’re questioning if you’re making the right move through the entire process, you should press pause and re-evaluate. I had a friend who was getting married a few weeks after me constantly ask me if I though about calling off my wedding and she ended up calling off hers.
  2. You and your fiance don’t agree on finances…or kids. These are two of the major topics that I believe really ruin most relationships. (We know money does for a fact) If couples don’t agree on these topics in the beginning then it can take a real toll on a marriage. Sure, it’s true that things change but if your marrying an adult it’s not likely that their views on many things in life will change. Oh, and their behaviors won’t change either. If your fiance spends more money that you’d like on things you don’t value, that won’t change after the wedding – it will probably even get worse because you’re married now and they don’t believe you’ll leave them over it. If your husband wants to wait two years before having kids after the wedding and you “accidentally” get pregnant on the honeymoon, he will resent you! Kids and money are resentment weeds and they will ruin your beautiful marriage garden. Do you switch over to a joint bank account or two separate bank accounts plus a joint account? Or do you keep things separate altogether because you’ve been together for six years and that has worked? Who has better health insurance and how much is it? Would you consider switching health providers to save money? When should we have kids and how many do you want? Work these details out right after the engagement or before the engagement if you can.    
  3. You aren’t satisfied with where your fiance is in life. I’ve seen a few people ignore this one and I think it’s a huge mistake. If you wish your fiance was more successful or ambitious you will end up regretting them if they aren’t where you think they should be in five years. If your man has been rapping for six years and proposes you and you say yes, but you wish he’d go back to school, you should re-think the entire relationship. You must be willing to accept your partner’s goals and ambitions before you get married. Compromise will be required but make compromises you can live with.
  4. Your reason for marrying him/her is “They have everything any man/woman would want.” I recently know someone who called  off their wedding and came to me for advice before they’d done so. He told me that his fiance had everything any man could want. I simply asked him “OK but are those the things YOU want?” They weren’t. He chose a woman that had a good job, and good family, and was nice but he wasn’t passionate about her. He realized that he was about to plan  his future based on who HE believed other people thought he should marry and not his dream woman. Now, he’s with a stripper. That is a joke but he really called the wedding off.
  5. You don’t trust your partner. This is a no-brainer but y’all really gotta stop this. If you feel the need to search your man’s phone, smell his underwear, or question where he’s going or where he’s been because you don’t trust him, leave him alone. Same for women. If you can live with the uneasy feeling of not trusting your partner for the rest of you life AND you’re willing to raise kids in an unfaithful marriage – go ahead…but don’t.

I’ve seen people break off an engagement and I know it’s not easy. You have to cancel caterers, return gifts, call vendors and it costs money. With all of that being said, walking away from a disaster feels so much better than walking into one.

 

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