I’m always talking to friends and acquaintances about the laws of attraction, specifically between two humans. My fiance and I are pretty darn good at “people” and after a long conversation with him about where we believe many people people go wrong when developing relationships, I decided to write a blog post about it. I consider myself an expert at dating. I was always in control, always confident, always realistic about where the relationship was going, or where it wasn’t going at all if that’s what I wanted. I will admit that long term relationships are totally different and much more difficult but dating should be spontaneous and enjoyable. Here are a few things that have turned me and many people I know off when beginning to date someone new.
1) Stop Being Rude – You’re Not Playing Hard To Get
I’ve seen men and women play this game. Some are so busy being “high class” on a date that they come off as stuck up or stiff. If you spend the entire date with your arms folded, you should have brought a jacket. I love people watching and I see so many couples on dates focused on their cell phones, or worse, everything else around them except for their date’s eyes. Looking someone in the eye is not only beneficial if you’re attracted to them, but you get a chance to read that person. Take that time to decipher whether they’re honest, sensitive, or cold. Looking into someone’s eyes shows you’re confident and self assure. It’s also the simplest way to compliment someone. Awkward people look into their cup or straw and this isn’t good either. Cute and shy stopped being a thing in high school. Be mysterious and bold by smiling across the table and engaging in gazing conversation.
2) Sleeping with him/her too soon
Now, I’ll be the first to say that celibacy is up to you and that’s none of my business. My views on celibacy in general are a whole separate blog post. I also don’t believe in timelines because there are people who will legit wait eight months to get in your pants and won’t call you the next day. I do however, believe that you can’t have fire and desire with everyone you date so, you you should take the time you need to connect with that person before connecting with that person. When you lead with sex however, you’re making yourself look insecure. If all you have to give is “the D” with no stabili-TY, stop what you’re doing and go work on a 401k. Same for women. News flash for everyone, no one person’s sex is good enough to keep anyone around. Look at Drake – he’s been with everyone and he’s still on the prowl.
3) Accepting anything they’re willing to give
People will test you to see what you will put up with – it’s human nature. We humans push everything to the limit, even our planet. If people will drive a car until the gas light comes on, then continue to drive, what makes you think they won’t see how far you’ll go? If a human receives any signs that you might put up with some BS, they will put you through BS. This is what typically ends new relationships, but continuing to date someone who clearly does not respect you never works out for the better anyway – so cut it short. I have a girlfriend whose date insisted she go half on every meal, even the first date. If this didn’t bother her, then I would tell her to continue to date the guy, but it did. It pissed her off and she continued to date him. I am sure that the first date was just a test to see what he could get away with and once she complied, he didn’t stop. I wonder what would have changed if she had just asked “you asked me out and you want me to pay?”
This is the number one thing that I hear turns off men and women early in the dating stage. They meet that perfect person on IG, Bumble, or Tinder. They’re attractive, funny, and they seem sane – but the problem is they are not driven. They are completely comfortable doing the same thing every day for the next decade as long as they have someone to do it with. This is a prime reason why you should be all about you and your business if you’re single. The more you know what you want and where you’re going, the more attractive you’ll be to a partner and the more successful you’ll be for yourself later in life. Does this mean you have to have a five year plan? We all know things change, but the chase is what attracts people to you. There is absolutely no chase if you’re in a parked car, in the parking lot of the bar located around the corner from your high school a decade after graduation – you feel me?
Thanks for reading, please comment! I love hearing what you think.