….And 27. I took friendships very seriously as a very young adult and as I got older that has really changed for me. I began to let go. I now realize that every person in your life has a place and I’ve stopped trying to make people who don’t fit, fit. I hate the quote “some people are in your life for a reason and some for a season.” Some people you meet for no significant reason at all. That quote that assumes that when you meet someone, that interaction is about you when it could be about them and their journey. In no way will that person affect your personal journey unless you get in your own way by overthinking why they’re there. Here are my lessons:
- We don’t need to talk every day. Aging comes with new relationships, kids, marriage, and careers. When life gets busy, you just won’t have time to talk every day or every week (or every moth). The sooner I realized that this is not abandonment, we cool, the more fun I found spending an hour catching up with a girlfriend I haven’t spoken to in a while.
- Everyone experiences life from their own POV. I’ve had lots of disagreements with friends, but I didn’t realize that every disagreement I’ve ever had was from my POV until the last year or so. Me, my side, what I thought, what you said to ME. All I could focus on was my own experience – my own ego. I realized, dang she probably doesn’t see life the exact same way that I do – Imagine that. Am I not the only one with a POV (sarcastically)? I stopped getting mad or getting offended and started pulling my ego out of the equation. It allowed me to be forgiving. I began to want to hear other people’s POV before my own and to stop assuming I was right and they’re wrong. There is nothing to be “right” about because we’re not married. (lol)
- Not everyone will support you. This blog is a great example of this. I started this a few weeks ago. I have 900 FB friends, 50 friends invited to my wedding, and 6 followers on this blog. There is something about getting older that forces you to stop turning to other people for acceptance. Accept yourself! Support yourself! Encourage yourself! (yes, I’m shouting) In the past, no one was ever encouraging or discouraging me. It has always been my own opinions of what others thought that deterred me from doing what I was passionate about – so give that $h!* up.
- We don’t have to be “friends.” I used to think “Oh we’ve been friends for five years, why would we not be friends after all this time?” Because sometimes you’re just no longer friends bih. That doesn’t mean that we hate each other or that if you needed advice or non monetary assistance that I would turn my back on you. It just means that we can both let go of the obligations that we’ve put around the word “friend.” For me, the list of obligations used to be long. Now, there is almost nothing you have to do. Either way, we’re still cool.
I’ve actually learned way more than this, but let’s call this the first edition. On another note, don’t y’all miss the show Girlfriends? Dang these women are fine! #blackgirlmagic